Paliative Care!

So, remember when I called a meeting with Hospice?  It kind of sobered all of us up.  It got real for me at that point.  Hospice does provide paliative care, but not quiet to the level of this doctor.  I wish I would have found her a year ago.  She spent an hour interviewing me and sorting out all of the medicine, symptoms and side-effects that I have been dealing with.  She prescribe some new medicines to help with my tummy.  I had gotten to the point that I could not eat much more than a few tablespoons of food at a time and everytime I took my pills they wanted to come back up.

Now, she come to see me once a week to determine what is working, or not, and will make some adjustments to my prescriptions.

Oncologists treat the cancer and they try to treat the pain and other side-effects, but they really only care about the cancer.  The pulmonologist only treats my lungs and makes sure I am getting the oxygen that I need.  This doctor looks at the entire body and suggests solutions for everything that is going on.

I look forward to more comfortable days ahead.  God is so Good!

What's The Good Word?

I am sorry that I have not blogged since my return to Germany.  I have been catching up on the 3 weeks of my life that I missed, but mostly recovering from the long trip.

Other than being tired, I don't feel much different.  Pain is still increasing.  I personally feel like the cancer is not growing since the treatment.  The doctors in Germany told me that I probably would not be able to tell if it is working for a few months.  I got the big Hyperthermia treatment on October 1st. There was what I thought to be an unbilical hernia coming out of my belly button.  But the doctors in Germany said that it was a tumor.  It is a lot smaller...that's encouragaing.  I also have a knot on the left side of my neck, about the size of a small grape, that has not changed in size.  So I kind of judge the growth of the cancer by those two things.

There is a lot going on inside of my belly.  That is where all of the pain is.  Monday afternoon, I could no longer take the pressure and pain and had 2.2 liters of fluid drained off of my abdomen.  That felt so much better.

Monday night I could not get the pain under control and I did not want to over medicate with Morphine, etc...  So my daughter took me to the ER.  I did not want to do this because I knew they would want to admit me...and they did.  They ran a few tests and scans and could not find the sorce of the pain other than cancer.  So they increased my morphine and a few other things and sent me home.

Cutting The Cord!

We leave here tomorrow and return home with chemo pills, anti-estrogen pills (tumors where estrogen senstive), an adiquate amount of morphine, Immune system shots (that I have to give to myself in my belly...eweeee!), sublingual drops, and a handful of other meds and vitamins.  I hope that I can keep it all straight.  I have gotten used to the nurses doing that for me.

I am going to miss the other inmates.  We have had a great time sharing our stories and giving each other advice.  Our prayer sessions have continued.  I can't tell you how exciting that has been for me.

I have instructions to rest and to not over do it.  As usual, the doctors are surpirsed how well I bounce around inspite of the severity of my cancer.  I keep telling them that as long as I am not in pain, I can do anything.

That being said, I am looking forward to going back to the office and meeting with students.  Part of what we have been doing in Germany is helping my white blood cell count...done!  As long as my blood cell counts are good, then catching a little cold should not kill me.  I don't have to avoid crowds and all that stuff.

I will return here in two months for a two week stay and another round of chemo with extreme whole body hyperthermia.  I should really be able to see the difference by that point.

I wish I would have started with this treatment.  I would have saved myself a lot of illness.

Thank you for continuing to lift me up to The Lord!  He is answering your prayers. Hallelujiah!

Art Therapy!

Part of my therapy here in Germany is Art Therapy.  I love art!  This was always my favorite class in school.  Over the years, I have painted a few paintings.  I am my own biggest critic and I do not hang my art on the walls.  I have actually donated some of it to a thrift store.

So, here in this cancer clinic we have pre-planned crafts or we can dig arount in the art room and find supplies to do our own thing.  I always participate in the planned craft and then scurry off to find something to paint.  It feels so good to dip a paint brush into colors and blend them. When a paint brush will not do, I have my fingers all in it.

The idea is to help us get our minds off of treatment for a while and to use a different part of our brain.  Some people find their creativity and go off in life to create beautiful work.  My goal is to open that part of my brain, again, and see what I can do.  Good or bad it will be fun.

Why Am I Here?

Until tonight I thought I was here to heal my cancer.  But tonight may have revealed to me that I am here for something else.

As I started to settle in for the night, 8pm, I heard the faintest sound.  Something did not seem right.  I was not completely sure that it was not someone's television.  Nosey me started to explore.  And I found my friend Joque screaming.  Her husband had just, moments before, passed away.

As I sat there with one arm around Joque and one arm around her deceased husband, Steve, I searched my heart and soul for the words to help.  All I knew was to start praising God and to lead Joque in that direction as well.

I met Joque and Steve my first day here.  They were here from Nigeria.  Steven was an attorney there and they have four school aged children.  I could tell that Steve was pretty sick and had learned over the last few days that he was on a little more morphine than I am on.  I have spent several hours over the last few weeks cheering them up and helping them see God's grace in all of this.  I was happy to know that they were very strong christians.

So, tonight, I knew that Joque would want me to stay with her.  What I did not know until a few minutes ago is that Joque is a pastor of a church in Nigeria.  I could not believe it.  Why had she not told me this and why have I been counseling her?  Either way, I was honored to be there to help her through the worst moments of her life.

My heart breaks for my new friend and I sure hope that I said the right words to help.

Continued Treatments!

I have been asked for more details about my treatments.  So here it goes:

I start everyday with Local Hyperthermia.  This is a machine that heats up a very specific part of your body.  We have been alternating between my liver and my lower abdomen.  This machine does not feel hot to the touch as it rests on my body, but my head always starts sweating a lot.  I do this for an hour for 6 days per week.

While I am tied down to that machine they start my infussions.  I get I.V. bags of medicine for my lymph system, body cleanses, vitamin Bs, vitamin C and the sort.  I do this every day and sometimes I am dragging the I.V. pole around with me, from treatment to treatment.  

After that, they slide a big ring around my body...it is a bit like an open MRI machine, but smaller.  This is the Magnetic Field Therapy.  They turn it on and I sit in that for about 20 minutes for 6 days a week.

The nurses that attend to the therapies, above, are all German.  Some understand me when I am talking to them and others don't.  I can tell you not to mess up your I.V. or you will get into trouble.  And you had better be on time for your therapy or they will hunt you down.  

I love love love the 3 days a week that I get reflexology (a bit like a massage for my feet) and the upper body massage.  I always fall asleep.  A beautiful Phillipean girl named Rochelle do these treatments.  She speaks excellent German and hates the winters here.  

I have physio therapy three times a week.  I have a trainer that directs me working out on weights.  This is a pitiful attmept to strengthen some muscles.  I like my German therapist.  He is quite young and was raised in Koln.  

I get ozone treatments twice a week.  I think that I explained this in an earlier post.  

I get shots in the belly a few time each week.  I take a hand full of pills 3 times each day.  This includes my chemo pill every morning.  I have sublingual drops that I have to do once each week.  I have given up asking what each pill is.  It is usually something in German that I have google.

Gifts Go With You!

My passion for leadership is with me in Germany.  After two weeks of getting to know the other inmates, I decided that we were in need of a prayer meeting.  I invited my new friends to the chapel.  So I went into the chapel early to see what bibles they have.  They had a few copies of the Quran, many books on different religions and one New Age Bible on the New Testament that was not exactly correct (in my opinion).  So there would not be any bible verses to look up...the internet was down.  That's o.k. I will pull from memory.

Our meeting was hugely successful, I had 4 other people attend.  I started with a silent pray/confession of sins.  We then went around the circle and prayed out loud.  And finally we went around the circle and talked about a blessing or miracle that we each had experienced or discovered in our battle with cancer.  It was fun to hear people from other countries and the way they pray and worship God.  (we were all christians)

Everyone left my little prayer session asking if we could do this every day.  Every one agreed that they felt more positive, blessed and supported when they left the room.

Charades!

As we start our third week at this clinic in rural Germany, I continue to be amused at my daughter's ability to make new friends and to talk to anyone.  It does not matter if they speak English, she still tries.  I see a lot of hand and body movements much like a game of charades.

Here is a good example.  I had about a two hour break between treatments the other day and we decided to go for a walk.  In about a block or two of walking we were in a large field that was bordered by a row or two of apple trees.  There were two old men and an old woman picking apples.  Kristin and I walked over to them and asked if we could pay them to let us pick an apple.  They spoke almost no english, but they understood when we said, "America".  After a game of charades we figured out that they had flown on a big plane to Chicago and then on to Fort Wayne, Indiana to see their children.  They now know that this is our first trip to Germany and that we have orange trees.

I have another humorous observation.  When someone does not understand my daughter I hear her speaking English with some sort of accent.  It is as if they will understand her better if she talks like her native language is not English.  I laughed so hard when I first heard this.  She did not even realize what she was doing, but when I pointed it out to her she got a big laugh out of it too.

Holy Cow! The Holy Spirit!

I am trying so hard to listen to God for guidance.  I know that as a Christian I should strive to live the 10 commandments, confess my sins, walk as Christ walked, keep short accounts with God, be in God's Word (the bible) every day, forgive others who have hurt me, etc...  I am so excited when God reveals something new to me.

I had been praying and asking God to let me know where my mistakes are in this current battle.  About 30 minutes later an acquantance here walked up and handed me the book "Healed of Cancer" by Dodie Osteen.  This book is full of prayers and scriptures that she used and continues to use to realize her miraculous cure.  She was given two weeks to live.  She is still here over 30 years later with no medical treatment.  Although, she does not suggest denying treatment if it is available, she does give a lot of insight into her spiritual life.

The thing that struck me is that I thought that God's WILL for me would be to let me live or to take me home with him.  But, NO!  His WILL is for me to live a long abundant life on this earth.  How to do that is what is being revealed to me, now, by the Holy Spirit.

The second thing that struck me is that while it is o.k. for me to depend on other people's prayers and faith...it is really all about my relationship with Christ that is healing me.  There is no question that God hears and answers all of your prayers for me, but he wants me to come to the reality that I should be leaning on him and not you and your prayers.  (We still must pray for each other)

As you read this you may tell yourself, "well yes, Cheryl, where has your head been?"  Well, I thought my relationship with God was where it needed to be.  It is really like peeling away the layers of an onion.  When you master one part another layer is revealed for you to master.  There is never an end to the complexity and richness of God's love for us.

A Little Fresh Air!

Since I am not well enough to travel around Germany, I have to be happy with a short waddle out and about Bad Salzhauzen.  I did make it out to Frankfurt this past weekend, but to the dismay of my doctors.  They spoke with Kristin and told her not to push me so much.  "But I wanted to go," i said with my bottom lip out.

I am waddling as my stomach is increasing in size.  At first, I thought it was due to the long air travel here and that it would go down in a few days.  The doctors did a sonogram and saw multiple pockets of fluid and air with no real way to remove it.  They would have to stick me in dozens of different places to get it out of there.

More about my waddlings about this beautiful little country town, later, as I have been summoned to local hyperthermia and multiple infussions.

Tata for now!

Are You Feeling Any Better?

Since I have been here just over a week the new comers are asking me how it is going.

My mind & spirit is healthy and happy.  My poor little body is exhausted and in more pain than ever. My morphine was doubled yesterday and so were the number of other pills I take.  The doctors want me to take more time resting.  They understand the severity of my type of cancer.  I have been given no hope or dreams of success.  But God answers my prayers for happiness and quality time with my daughter.

We are getting to have the reputation of being the fun patients amoung the doctors and nurses.  There is always something funny to laugh about especially when Kristin is vidoeing everthing I am doing and getting done.  I am happy that my experience is being documented, but it is being done at the cost of any privacy at all.  Well, if it helps others...then O.K.!

On top of all of the treatments I can not believe they are making me lift some weights.  I thought that was for the healthy people.  But since they also consider me a healthy patient with cancer they are putting me through the paces.

Today, a new treatment was added.  They start an I.V. and remove some of my blood, add ozone, mix it all around and return it to my veins.  It is a good thing that I am not scared of the sight of blood.

New Campers!

Some of the precious people that I met last week had been here for a while and have gone home.  They all took a part in showing me the ropes and telling me their cancer stories.  I have found that most of us have deep christian roots...except for the patients from the Middle East whom all seem to be Muslem.

This week we are meeting new families getting the tour and settling in for their two to three week stay.  I am trying to pass on the helpful hints that were passed to me on my first few days.  There are things like: the secret to making the washer and dryer work right; how to get ice cream brought out of the kitchen; never to ask the cafeteria for anything after closing time; or how to get a ride into Nidda for free.

All of this goes on between our rigorous days of treatments.  Each new person/family has a story of someone they know from home that have had successful experiences here.

We all remain hopeful and continue to encourage each other.

Slang!

I have realized that I use a lot of slang in my language.  There are patients & families from all over the world at this clinic.  Most of them know some English.  Working with international students at the University has made me realize that I need to speak slowly to people that are not fluent in English.  I can manage that, but the other day I told someone that my daughter had a "ball".  After I saw the look on their face I realized what I had done.  I told them that meant that she had a "great time".  My daughter in not as aware and I find myself stepping in to correct what she is trying to communitcate.  She is catching on and adjusting language, but not as much as she needs to.

"Ya'll" is another coloquial slang word that we use a lot.  That causes people to wrinkle their foreheads.  I end up explaining that one too.

There are other cultural differences that I am having fun taking note of.  I will try to update you as I think of them.

I think I have made the best friends with a couple from Nigeria and a few groups from Australia.  So far I have met couples from the U.S. from Missouri and New York.

God is definately preparing me for something great.  This experience is nothing less than Grace.

Happy Birthday To Us!

The word got around that it was my Birthday on Friday.  Everyone in my office knows how that happened, because every year I tell absolutely everyone I see that it is my birthday.  I also usually wear a tiara.  I did not have my tiara with me, but I made sure that everyone knew that it was my day.  Of course, the clinic gave me a beautiful little bouquet of pink flowers.  I also had a precious friend send me a huge bouquet of flowers.  Although, there was no celebration, cake or presents it was still very special to be at a place like this getting a chance at a remission that the U.S. could not give me.

The sad part is that I have never been so far away from my twin sister on our birthday.  But we know that because of this trip and many others after this, I will have a great birthday next year with her.  We are getting very home sick for each other.  We stay intouch every day, but getting to hug each other is really what we need.  I think I am going to hug her for 30 solid minutes when I get home.

I am pretty sure that I survived a lonely birthday because my daughter is with me.  If she can't cheer you up then no one can.  She is amazing.  She found a shop and bought me a card that says something in German that we do not understand.  It probably says Happy Anniversary, but who cares.  It is special anyway.  She also bought me a bag of my favorite candy...Haribo Gold Gummy Bears.  They are very different flavors,  but still so good.  I will definately bring some home.

I wish you all were here with me.

Our God is an awesome God!

They Pulled Out The Big Guns Today!

I got what I was asking for.  I got Whole Body Hyperthermia today.  This is the reason why I came here and to this specific doctor.  Many people that are here will not get this treatment for a while, as their system is not ready for it, yet.

Let me explain:

I was prepped last night by withholding all food and liquid after mid-night.  I had infussions of some kind of lymphatic immune boost and cleanse.  Then I had a large infussion of saline.  This morning I was awaken early for an enema and more infussions.  I then got a phone call to go to the hyperthermia room.  I was told to get naked and crawl up on the mesh table.  Then I was outfitted with every kind of probe and monitor that you could imagine.  I awoke about 3 - 4 hours later soaking wet with sweat.

My body temp was increased to 107 degrees for over 2 hours while getting a low dose infussion of chemo.  The trick is keeping my brain cool.  Letting the brain heat up that much is deadly.

This procedure makes the chemo many, many times more effective.  This treatment is being tested at places like MD Anderson with great success, but is not even close to being ready in the U.S.  It is my understanding that my doctor here has been going to the U.S. to teach this technique.

But I thought that I could not have chemo????  Well, surprise! my blood counts were fabulous (except the cancer marker that has tripled).  I still have a lot of treatments over the next few weeks, but no more Hyperthermia for two months.  I will go home with a pill format of low dose chemo.

I am still in recovery after many hours and I am in & out of it.  They were surprised to walk in and see me sitting up working on the computer.  I am still getting infussions of some sort,  I am just too tired to ask what it is. I might be surprised what I wrote this when I come back and read this when I have my senses.  But I had to write this as I have many family and friends that are on pins and needles.

Heather, your precious mother paved the way for me.  I will always be grateful to her.

Let the cancer killing begin.!!!!!