The Reason for the Season and My Attitude!

Today, Christians all over the world are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  We welcome all people to celebrate with us as we honor the personification of God.  This miraculous birth to a humble virgin is just the beginning of a life of healing and teaching.

God loves us so much that he sent his only son to save us.  Whoever believes in him will not perish but shall live forever.  It is this hope that keeps me positive about my fight with cancer.  I believe that there is much more than this. 

3 Down....

I have finished my third round of chemo.  Blood tests show that my CA125 cancer antigen marker is 225.  That is down from almost 800.  This number could fluctuate back up and down, but it is fantastic news and means that I am responding to treatment.  Yeah!  The goal is to get down below 30 (the normal - no cancer range).

In about 3 weeks are ct scans of the pelvis, abdomen and chest areas.  Since chemo has started a small lump in my breast has grown into a much larger one.  This means that diagnostics on my breasts will also begin.

These tests will determine if I continue chemo for three more rounds or if I go for a massive de-bulking (surgery to remove all of the cancer).  Because the surgery is such a big deal I really want the cancer to have been reduced by the chemo as much as possible.  The surgery could take more than 10 hours and require a week in Intensive Care and additional weeks in the hospital.



There is always light at the end of the tunnel.  Just some of us have to look harder for it than others.

Good Blood

White Blood Cell count came up to a point that I can have Chemo tomorrow.  This is great news for the progress of my treatment.

Thank you for your prayers.

UPDATE:  The doctor tells me that there is a chance that my white blood count could drop again before I get chemo tomorrow.  

chemo postponed

Due to a low white blood cell count my chemo was postponed.  I had a new blood test today, so I hope that I can go for chemo on Thursday.  If I don't get it Thursday it will have to be postponed until after the holidays.  Doctors, nurses and healthcare workers deserve a break too.  But I don't want to give this cancer a break. 

If I get the chemo on Thursday, I will be sick for Christmas.  I was sick for Thanksgiving too.  But I am o.k. with this.  If this is what I have to do to get a few extra years with my daughter, then ROCK & ROLL...Let's go!

I was wrong....

o.k. I admit it, I was wrong.  I thought I was feeling 100%.  So I decided to venture out and try to do my grocery shopping on my own.  Evidently, I am not capable of doing something that monumental without having to stay home in bed the next day.

When I am tired my abdomen starts to hurt.  I think it is the areas that I have the cancer that hurt.

My daughter was out of town this weekend and was unable to help do a little house work.  So since I was feeling 100% I thought I would do a little laundry, dusting and cooking.  I was wrong again.

The cancer and the chemo take so much more out of my little body that you can imagine.  For someone like me that goes at 150 miles/hour all of the time...this is a lesson in letting go. 

Sounds like a recurring theme.

What Would You Do?

As I walk around with my bald head I have noticed many different reactions.  (Remember that I have chosen not to wear hats, scarves or wigs.) I do not get offended by any of the reactions.  I do get doors held open much more often.  I also make a few people nervous.

I actually like it when people are bold enough to wish me well.  I get a lot of "good for you" or "keep fighting" comments.  It is kind of empowering and feels good that everyone wants me to fight & win.

Children are the best.  They love to look.  I try to take the opportunity to speak to them, if their mom lets them talk to me.  Some ask me if my hair will grow back.  The questions are very honest.  I was able to help one mother explain that this is what their Grandma was going through.  

It makes me think about how I react to people that have physical challenges.  I would never want to offend someone, but I would like to show compassion or help in some possible way.  Thus, I take a few seconds to look and assess the level of the disability.  I hope it does not look like I am staring, but I really am.  Then I try to hold doors or get out of the way.

Wow! What a Beautiful Day!

I feel almost 100% healthy today.  I even went for a walk at lunch.  I have not felt this good in months.  It figures that I feel better on a day that I am working.  I needed a good day this weekend. 

The sun is shining and the temperature is warm. 

I am focusing on thanking God for my healing.

The ascites (fluid in my abdomen) has gone down considerably.  The pressure was causing much of my discomfort.  I can wear my business clothes...so happy about that. 

I would love to get to a point that I can go to the gym.  No sense in letting the body go. 

What Goes Through My Head!

When I am feeling like heck and all I want to do is cry...What goes through my head?

First, I want to just die and not deal with it, but since that is not an option, I have to work a few more things through my head.

I have learned over the years to look for things to thank God for.  My blessing are beyond measure.  This practice alone makes me feel better.  "count your blessings, name them one by one..."

I also focus on what I am going to do as soon as I am able.  There are so many places that I want to take my daughter.  I want her to see some of the things I have seen. 

I then think about all of the other Stage 4 ovarian cancer survivors & patients that I am meeting in the "chat room" that I have joined.  These women have been there already and they are so willing to share their experiences and give advice.  Wow!... Is all I can say about these amazing women.

I know that I am going through this to help others...so I imagine ways I might be able to do that.  There will be a life that I have the opportunity to touch, I just hope that I recognize it when it presents.

Happiness!

You may wonder if I am happy.

I am extremely happy.  I really am.  I believe that there is life after death and that how we live our lives, now, may impact how we live our lives for eternity.  I am not talking about how to ensure that I am going to heaven.  I already have that figured out.  I am talking about what life will be like later, after we die.

We must treat others with respect...ABOVE ALL.  Respect comes first in all relationships.
We must never try to control others.  We can only impact ourselves & our own feelings.
We must never look to anyone else for Happiness.  That is within us and our relationship with God.
We must obey the 10 commandments.
Every deal must be a win : win situation.  Stop trying to get something for nothing.
Give without strings attached & give anonymously.  Make it all Grace.

I could go on...

Just know that a disease like cancer will not cause me to take my eyes off of the prize.

My Apologies to My Guests!

Thanks to staying in bed for 5 days...I am feeling better.

I am so sorry to all of you who wanted to visit over the holiday weekend.  I really had to stay in bed and only have access to my immediate caregivers.  The sickness and weakness that I feel the days after chemo are worse than anything that I have been through before.  I am in pain, I feel nauseated and I don't have the energy to think.

You may wonder why visitors would wear me out, but it just happens like that.  I am not sure why having to sit up and talk to company for 20 minutes puts me in bed for hours.

Thank you for your support and prayers.