Monday, June 22, 2015

Random Act Of Kindnest!

I have not had a pedicure in almost a year, because when your white blood cell count is low it is not good to expose yourself to bacteria.  When you get a good pedicure they cut off dead skin and have been known to draw blood.  Not good when your body cannot fight infection.

My last blood draw showed that my white blood cell count was in the normal range...so I thought that I would treat myself.   It felt so good and special to have my feet all soft and pretty.

While I was sitting there a young woman asked me when my baby was due.  My tummy is quite distended, right now.  I had to break it to her that I was not expecting a baby, but that I had stage 4 cancer.  However, I took the opportunity to talk about this very dangerous and hidden cancer.

This gal's life has been touched by cancer in so many ways that she was interested and had a lot of questions for me.   I told her that I was blessed with this cancer to make a difference in this world.  If my story saves one life, then it was worth it.

When I went to leave the spa and pay for my special treatment, there was a gift card with a large amount of money on it at the front desk for me.  This young lady left it for me and had wished me luck.

I was floored...I cried for a while.  I have no way of knowing who she was nor do I have a way to thank her.  In this case, all I can do is pass it on.

There trully are nice people in this world and, today, I met one of them.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Newest Cancer Blood Marker!

I am not sure whether to cry or to jump for joy.  My CA125 decreased again (jump for joy), but it only decreased by 2 tiny points (cry).  I should be grateful to God for the continued improvement...but I get anxious for more!

I have to get used to the fact that this is going to be a long battle.  I guess it is o.k. to have cancer and fight the tough battle as long as I have a good quality of life.  A good quality of life, to me, means that I can get outside and do my yard work, go to church and go to work.

Some of you have heard the old hymn from church that goes something like this, "Count Your Blessings Name Them One by One, Count Your Blessings See What God Has Done..."

So instead of crying over extremely slow progress, I am going to count my blessings and jump for joy for any progress.

And that my dear friends is how I "pull myself up by my boot straps".

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Here We Go Again!

I go next week for my next round of chemo.  I am starting to anticipate the infusions and I don't mean that in a good way.  My veins are suffering from the chemicals and are showing weakness when we try to start the pick line.  This could mean a port in my chest, sooner than later.  I don't want a port, but will hold my head up and be a big girl about it.

I will also get a blood test and see the results of my CA125.  Last time we saw a drop of almost 20 points.  I hope for a bigger drop than that this time.  Although the CA125 is not the best test, it is the best we have.  It has been a good indicator for me and the level of disease in my system.

I will get a new Rx for more pain meds, as the pain is not reducing.  It is odd that the skin on my abdomen also hurts.  I can't wear pants or a skirt that rubs my skin too much.  I am all about comfort these days.

I am still feeling blessed and excited about the great results I will get next week.


Something New Everyday!

One thing I hear constantly from my doctors is that they do not know why I have the symptoms that I have.  "It is different for everyone" they say.

Well, last night I started with some serious pain in my right side.  I debated on whether to go to the ER and watch them run in and out of my room for hours with no idea how to help me.  So I chose to take an extra pain pill and hope for the best in the morning.

This morning the pain is no better.  I will do some research online and try to figure out why I think I am in pain.

This is not that different from the recent swelling in my feet.  I will ask the doctor when I see him, but my guess is that since my lymph system is clogged from cancer, the fluid can not be moved around my body properly.  I have some excercises that I try to do when I am not in too much pain.

Some specialized yoga classes has been recommended.  I need to look into that.

I remain happy and blessed.  I continue to thank God for the cancer and all that comes along with it.


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

I Am Still So Humbled!

I am still so humbled at the number of prayers that you all are saying for me.  I am sooooo blessed to experience this type of love and consideration.

Although the cancer is not getting any better...it is stable, I am so blessed to experience a better quality of life.  The first three months of this year, I did not think I would be alive today.  I was one sick puppy.

Join me as I praise God for this improvement.

A Lump In My Throat & Tears In My Eyes!

Yesterday, my daughter asked me if I would write her letters for her to open on special days of her life.  She wants my thoughts and well wishes for her to open the day that she gets married.  She wants to hear my words of wisdom for the day that she has her first child.

I had thought about doing this, but to hear her ask for it just put me to my knees.  I know that she loves me and values my opinions, but to hear this just made my heart grow.

She said that if I am still alive on these special days, then we would just read the letters together.  How special that would be...my thoughts written at a time that I thought that I would not be here on earth.

I think that I will start some video files for her.  I think that she would much rather see me tell her my thoughts.  I have added it to my to-do list and will get started on it next week.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Jelly Belly!

Well, not exactly jelly, but my tummy is quite swollen and firm.  The oncologist was excited that the fluid is drying up, but the belly is not any smaller.  That is the nature of Peritoneal Cancer.

The peritoneum is the very thin moist skin that covers the inside of your abdomen and all of your internal organ.  It is all slippery so that your organs can move effortlessly into place as you move.   The lymph run through the peritoneum to help moisturize it.  If your lymph nodes are clogged then the peritoneum is not properly moisturized.  Well, my cancer is very much peritoneal & lymphatic at this point, along with other tumors.  But it is this cancer that is causing me such sickening pain.  It prevents me from being able to eat a normal portion of food and then makes me want to throw that up.

Don't look at the internet about this kind of cancer.  It says that there is a 100% morbidity rate.  Well, I think that is what the doctors mean when they keep telling me that there is no cure for me.  The internet gives me 12 - 18 months to live.

That's o.k. because the internet and the doctors are not GOD.  Last time I checked God is in control of my life.  I still surprise the doctors with my attitude (becoming more of a struggle) and my mobility.  I remain happy most of the time.  I am never depressed.  I cry every now and then because the pain becomes more than I can handle.  But really, I am o.k.

I still feel blessed that God chose me to take this on.  I do feel very special in that respect.

I wonder how people handle things like this without God.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Some Like It Hot!

I surely do not like it hot.  I have had a low fever on and off all weekend.  By low, I mean that it has been just over 100 degrees.  This low fever has nocked me off of my feet.  The pain has increased a bit and I have had all of the symptoms of a fever...chills, skin hurts, etc.

I am o.k.  I have got to stop thinking about the fact that this chemo can stop working at any time.  Any set back makes me think about it.  I believe in self fulfilling prophecy.  If you keep think about negative things then negative things are allowed in your life.

I try to stay positive and focus on God.  I am still happy every day.