Ever Wonder?

Those of us that have lost someone very close to us will always wonder if they are o.k., where they are or if they know what we are going through.

I lost my precious husband 3 years ago.  I would like to believe that he would communicate with me if he could...maybe to just let me know that he knows I am fighting cancer. 

Maybe this is just a coincident (but is worth sharing):

My last chemo was on the 3 year anniversary of his death.

My surgery is, now, scheduled on our 13th wedding anniversary.

I do believe that if he were alive and helping me, that I would not dig down so deep and pull out all of my strength.  I would probably lean on him and not as much on God.  I would not ask others so much for help.  I would not KNOW that I can do this.



 

Maybe Not!

Many of you have not heard that my surgery was postponed due to my low Neutrophil levels.  This has something to do with with my White Blood Cells.  All I know is that it increases my chances of infections.

Normal Neutrophil levels are 1.5 or above...mine were at 0.9.

We will try again next week to have surgery.

After a conference with 4 doctors, they still do not know the extent of my surgery until they go into my abdomen.

You can imagine my frustration about the entire situation.  My mother reminded me, quickly, that everything happens for a reason.  So I have gone to God to thank HIM for the blessings that will come out of this change in schedule. 

I have to focus on the positives. 

Last post for a week or so!

I go into surgery this week with renewed energy that all is well.  The doctors still do not know if I am facing a laparoscopic surgery or if they are going to zip me open.  Thus I have no idea if I will stay in the hospital or not.  This is a bit frustrating, but I will know tomorrow.  The doctors wanted time to review all scans, etc....

I have never had a sponge bath before and I hope I don't get one now.  Wait!  I wonder if it is a male nurse or a female nurse.  I better take my lip stick to the hospital.  You never know who I need to impress.  That is funny to think about.  Do I have a conversation with someone that is bathing me?  Should I talk about my favorite soap or my favorite vacation?  At least I don't have to worry about if my legs or arm pits are shaved...because I don't have hair there, either.  teeheeheehee!

No matter what, I can assure you that I am going to have a good time.  I try so hard to be a blessing to all of the healthcare workers that I come across.  I look for the insanity and humor in all of it.  It is just part of my way of staying positive. 

A Miracle!

After triple contrast CT scans the doctors can not find any cancer anywhere in my body except my right ovary.  How can this be?  I started Chemo on November 5th.  I was stage IV with disease around my heart, in my lungs, in all connective tissue, in my colon, in my small intestines, implants of cancer cells in dozens and dozens of places, and the list goes on.  In just 2 & 1/2 months I am down to stage 1. 

This is proof of the power of prayer.  The doctors do not have an explanation for why I am healing so quickly.  This is the #1 cancer center in the world and they are amazed at my progress.

I have had only 3 sessions of chemo.  My chemo nurse told me that he has never seen a stage IV patient go to surgery after only 3 sessions.  He stated that I would need at least 3 to 6 more sessions.

The doctors are ready to do surgery.  It should be only laprascopic.  This means no hospital stay and only a few days of recovery instead a week in ICU and a month in the hospital.  UNREAL!  I was not supposed to live through Christmas. 

God must have big plans for me.  I can't wait to see what that is. 

Please join me in praising and thanking God for this miracle. 

Hazard of Being Strong

Did you know that there is a draw back to being a strong person.  yep!

People forget how sick I really am.  I try hard to hide it.  But I hurt every day and I hurt more in the afternoon than the morning.  My boss is very intuitive and can take one look at me to know I feel terrible.  He tries to send me home but my passion for my job and my team keeps me at work. 

I also am very conscious of the fact that it seems to be "all about me".  It is hard to ignore the bald woman in the room.  I am so open and honest about everything that I am o.k. with talking about it.  I just hope that I don't wear people out on my cancer. 

My job puts me out in public making presentations.  Since the cancer treatment has started I have been unable to stand for an hour and speak with passion.  As I gain my strength and think about going back to public speaking, I wonder what message my bald head sends.  I certainly hope that it sends a message of strength & stability and not one of weakness & pity.

I hope you enjoy my insight into life with cancer.

Here I Go Again!

I know that you are all waiting on a post from me.  I have been really overly busy at work trying to get ready to be out of the office for a week after the next chemo.  Each chemo is slightly easier in different ways.

So here is what is going on...I get CT scans on Sunday.  I am very anxious about this.  This is my first diagnostics since the diagnosis.  I am trying not to think about the "what-ifs".  When I do I go to a place that is not helpful to my healing.  I am healthy and God is listening, so I am sure that nothing but blessings will come out of the next set of tests and treatment.

I find myself repeating a mantra that my big sister uses..."I can't get worried about it"!  I feel that worry is a sin.  We are to put it in God's hands and trust that he has a plan.  Realize that God also gave us common-sense, a conscience and other brilliant faithful followers to help us along the path.

I eat healthy, get my rest, stay strong mentally and pray for my doctors.

My support system is still strong.  Thank you all....I LOVE YOU!

Can't Touch This!

Cancer can take away all of my physical abilities.

It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart, and it cannot touch my soul.

Jim Valvano

 

White Blood Cell Count :(

Grrr!  White Blood Cell count is low again.  I am pretty sure that means chemo will be postponed.

I want my Chemo!

Yep!  Chemo and other tests are postponed for a few weeks.  I hate this....I am feeling pretty good and I am ready for more. 

I will know nothing for a while.   

Funny Prescription

The doctor wrote me the funniest medical prescription I have ever seen.

Drug: Cranial Prosthesis

Strength: N/A

Quantity: 1

SIG:  Apply to head as needed


 It is for a wig, for those of you that did not get that.  So silly! Bahahaha!

Popsicle Head!

Being bald has its challenges and its benefits.  When it is cold out my head is really cold.  You would not believe how fast your body cools when you don't have your insulating hair.  This is the only time I cover my head.

The best part is the savings on shampoo and other hair products.  I just wash my head and wipe it dry...quick and easy.  I have put the blow dryer away.  I hope I can find it when my hair grows back. 

Being bald also starts some pretty funny conversations.  Bald men love to joke with me about my bald head.  It really is a lot of fun.  A little man at church keeps insisting that I buy a wig...he can't tell if I am a girl or a boy.  I make sure that I wear extra eye make-up and earrings so that everyone can tell that I am a girl. 

I am not completely sure that I want my hair to grow back.

What next for 2014!

I must have misunderstood the treatment plan.  Chemo continues no matter what.  

I will get my 4th round of chemo next week along with a lot of tests to determine if the chemo is working.  You all will know as soon as I know.

I am so blessed NOT to have neuropathy yet.  That is a pain and tingling in fingers and toes.  There are other side-effects of chemo that I do not have yet either.  The doctor keeps asking if I have headaches.  (Other than day 3 after chemo each time...that head ache is gone by day 5, but not there any other time)  

I have continued pain in my abdomen.  It is improving with each treatment.  I no longer need ice packs and I take a lot less pain medication. The doctor stated that people either get worse with each treatment or they get better.  I am one that seems to get a little better. 

I am so encouraged by my progress. 

Uneventful Holidays

Although most of my Holidays were spent in my PJs, I still had a wonderful time.  Many of you brought me food, since I am unable to cook for a week after chemo.  I enjoyed some of the best food ever made.  My God Mother can cook like no one else in the world.  It is worth being sick just to get her cooking.  I know my doctor wonders why I do not lose any weight. 

Others of you came for a short visit and were greeted by my very protective cat.  Sorry, he is my little buddy, but bites most everyone else.  He is a little booger!  He rubs against you and looks at you so sweetly and then when you put your hand down to pet him...he bites.  It scares everybody when he does that and it embarrasses me.

My brother-in-law mowed my yard for me.  Poor guy!  He seems so happy to do it, but looks like he has been drug behind a truck when he gets finished.  He wonders how I have been doing it all by my little self for the last three years.  I feel terrible because I can only watch...which is not easy for me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who are still praying for me.