Caregivers

When you go through a major health issue you really need a caregiver to drive you to appointments.  I am always so strong that I feel like I could travel on my own.  But some medical centers will not let you leave unless you have someone with you.

My mother has traveled with me the majority of the time.  What a blessing she has been.  She is so positive and prays constantly.  We have sat in the hotel room many times and have taken turns praying.  If that does not lift you up, nothing will.

A mother's love can not be compared to any other love.  I am so blessed to have that in my life.

My father passed away just a few months before I found out that I had cancer.  My mother was my father's caregiver.  The last 10 years of his life were horrible with Parkinson's disease and dementia and my mother cared for him with dignity & grace.  Of course, I wish my father were here, but only if he could be healthy.  If my father were still here then my mother would not have the time to devote to me.

Pray for my mother as she continues to find the strength to be my best friend and caregiver.

What Happens When WBC is LOW

When my white blood cell (WBC) is too low, chemo has to be postponed.  They really do not want to keep tearing my body down when it is already down.  There is a shot that I can get every day until my WBC improves.  The doctor would prefer that my body do the work on its own.

Your blood cell are manufactured in your bone marrow.  Any shot that they give me comes with a price, extreme bone pain.  I am willing to endure the pain if that is what I have to do, but waiting on my body to do its job has worked before.

The most frustrating part is that when an appointment changes, I have to change air tickets, hotel reservations and my ground transportation.  I have done this so much that I expect it and spend about an hour getting everything changed.  My caregiver has to also change her plans.

My Fur is Falling Out!

I look like I have mange like what a dog might get.  My soft fuzz is falling out in patches.  I shaved my head, but you can still see the patches.  I really don't care if I look ridiculous, but seriously, I look ridiculous.

When you go through something so dangerous as stage IV cancer, you care less about the stuff that really does not matter.  I have always let the little stuff bother me.  I still have a few things that I can't let go of, but I hope that I am better about the rest of it.

As my neighbor reminds me, "Let Go & Let God"!

Wise advice.

White Blood Cell Count

I need prayer, please.  My white blood cell count is at an all time low.  You all know how disappointed I get when my chemo or surgery gets pushed out for this reason.  So, I immediately started looking for the blessings and what to thank God for.  I figured it out.  If I had stayed on track with my chemo I would miss all of the Easter celebration at church like I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas.  With the new dates for the postponed chemo, I will feel well enough to celebrate.

The condition I am in, now, means that I have to stay away from crowds and sick people.

Woo Hoo!

Hair & Nails

Have you ever heard that you can tell a lot about a person by their hair?  Scientists can analyze a strand of hair and can determine if there are any chemical changes in a person's body.  They can also estimate when the change took place.

See this slideshow on WebMD.  http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/ss/slideshow-nails-and-health

My toe nails got a very deep ridge in them.  I could trace it back to the time that my husband passed away.  Now, my toe nails have multiple slight ridges that I can place at the point in time that I got each chemo treatment.

I wonder if my hair or nails had signs that I had cancer along and I just did not notice.   The slideshow that I have linked indicates many diseases that could be predicted based on the condition of you nails.

Just another thing that makes me wonder.

What are we waiting on!

I am so ready for my next chemo.  I just hope my blood is ready.  I have continuous problems with my white blood cell count.  They could give me a shot to help my bone marrow produce more blood cells.  This injection cause extreme bone pain and other side effects.  We want my bones to naturally manufacture what my body needs.  We will use the injections as a last resort.

Believe me I have been on-line trying to find a food, vitamin or supplement that would help my white blood count.  I got permission to take vitamin Bs.  They said that if it helped everyone then they would prescribe it to everyone.  I have to eat a lot of protein, which is difficult for me.  This time of year, there are so many beautiful fruits and vegetables available...I love them.

Any vitamins & supplements that I take must be approved by my pharmacist.  Many things interfere with the chemo.

Bucket List!

My cousin wants me to post more about where I am, now...from where I started.  Val, thanks for the suggestions.

How has my bucket list changed?  I am a list maker.  I make lists of my goals; short-term and long-term.  I go back to those lists every year and mark off what I have accomplished, even if I have only partially accomplished something.  I count every success.  I don't go out of my way to fulfill this bucket list.  In many cases it just happens.

I write things on my list like: places I want to go, books I want to write, knowledge I want to gain, and even physical goals.  I reach for the stars and write down things that in a million years I would never be able to accomplish.  You would be surprised at the power of self-fulfilling prophecy.  I never really thought that I would go to India, China or Austria...but this little small town girl has been there. 

I am going to double down on my goal writing.  I have an even stronger sense of urgency to go and do and see..to tell people that I love and appreciate them...to let people know they are stronger than they can imagine...to help others see the that the glass is completely full and running over.

Welcome Back!

My colleagues at work keep saying this to me, "Welcome Back".  I tell them, "but I have been at work other than when I am sick the week after chemo.  It dawned on me today that they mean "welcome back from the edge of death".

What an amazing thing to think about.  I guess it has not sunk in that I am a cancer survivor.  And this was not just any cancer...it was a very vicious, highly aggressive cancer. 

I hope that I have set an example of how to face diversity with Grace.  My daughter has been my inspiration.  She needs a strong example of how to carry ones self through tragedy.

My sister keeps reminding me that I have fought this battle completely alone.  I told her that I have everyone at the university, at church, my family & friends...I am not alone.  She said, "no, I mean, alone...no spouse or significant other to help take care of me".  I refer her back to my earlier post about needing to know that I am strong enough to do this.  God is sufficient!  

Managing Your Own Care!

Let me tell you about a few instances where I had to straighten out my health care in spite of my fabulous medical team.

During my first Chemo Treatment I found out that Benadryl makes me want to climb the walls.  "No problem", the nurse tells me.  She will document in my file and next time I will get a Rx strength Claritin.  So my second Chemo comes around, again.  I remind the doctors about the problem and they will order the Claritin when they order my Chemo cocktails.  But when I crawled in the Chemo bed they showed me a big bad of Benedryl all ready to be emptied into my veins.  I had to make a big deal out of it, to get them to stop.  My allergic reaction could likely be worse than the first one.

This last time I received chemo, the first nurse of the day wrote down my weight wrong.  I think I told you about that.  I had to pick up the phone and call my doctor's cell phone (he should not have given me his number if he did not want me to use it) and have him sign new orders.

Let me step up on my soap box for a minute:

We are all smart, strong and capable.  Stop letting others run your life.  We do not need the government telling us how to live.  Ask questions and do research so that you know what is going on around you. When I found out I had cancer, several of my friends and family jumped in and helped me with research.  I knew what doctors I should go to, I knew what drugs I should get, I found a chat room of other ovarian cancer patients, and I have prevented problems because I speak up and stay on top of my healthcare.

The Way My Life Has Changed!

When I found out I had cancer I put much of my life on hold.  After all, no one thought I would live long enough to see things through to completion.

I would even find myself making decisions not to buy clothes when shopping with my daughter.  I simply did not know if I would ever get a chance to enjoy them.  It did not make me sad or anything like that.  It was just a fact that I accepted.

I was living life one day at a time and enjoying every day.

Now, I am looking further into the future, again.  I find myself wondering what new door will be opened and what old door might be closed.

What Made the Difference This Time?

Although this most recent chemo took 9 hours and I got sick right away...all-in-all the sickness was easier.

I think I have the cure for post-chemo illness.  My daughter stayed in bed with me all day.  She did homework and research on the computer while I slept.  I would wake up and have a conversation with her and take another nap.  She never left my side.

I have to say that was probably one of the best days of my life.  I felt like I had an angel watching over me.

"Meeting Diversity with Courage"

A precious friend gave me an article to read that really touched my soul.  I know that you all need a reminder as much as I do.  Here is an excerpt from that article.

"Job experienced extreme pressures. Imagine how he felt when everything in his life seemed to go wrong. (Job 3:3, 11) Making matters worse, he did not fully understand why all those things happened to him. Still, he never gave up. He maintained his integrity and his faith in God. (Read Job 27:5.) What a fine example for us to imitate!"

Challenges can be permitted in our lives to undermine our faith in God.  We frequently hear, "how can a good and just God let this happen to me?"   Because we grow when we are tested and pass the test.  I personally tend to look for the things that I can be thankful for in a bad situation. 

"We need to focus on positive things. God’s Word tells us: “A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.” (Prov. 15:13) Medical researchers have long recognized the curative value of positive thinking. Many patients given sugar pills (placebos) have experienced relief of symptoms simply because they thought they were getting help. The opposite, called the nocebo effect, has also been demonstrated. Patients’ health deteriorated simply because they were told that a drug would have negative effects. Constantly dwelling on situations we cannot change may only tear us down. On the positive side, God does not give us “sugar pills.” Rather, even in times of disaster, he gives real help through the encouragement found in his Word, our support system, and the strength provided by the holy spirit. Focusing on these things will lift us up. Instead of dwelling on negative events, do what is practical to cope with each problem and focus on the positive aspects of your life.

—Prov. 17:22."

So, What Did the Doctor Say?

This was the first time I have seen my doctor since surgery.

The CA125 cancer markers is down to 21 - normal.  I am so excited about that.  However, this does not mean the cancer is completely gone, but it is a huge indicator that it is close.  The doctor said that I have healed from surgery beautifully.  So, I have two more sessions of chemo left and then CT scans to confirm that nothing has changed.  I will then be declared NED - No Evidence of Disease.

He told me that there are likely still cancer cells in me, but since they can not detect them they can not treat them.  That is what makes this cancer so dangerous.

He told me to keep up the amazing attitude.  I have never seen this doctor smile so much.  He just could not stop smiling.  He has never met anyone quite like me.  But, seriously, who has?

It's Not Easy Being Cheesy

I know that I sound all positive, but believe me it is tough sometimes.  

Chemo turned into a 9 hour ordeal this time.  Someone recorded my weight wrong and the pharmacist filled my prescription for the I.V. chemo based on that weight.  By the time we got everything straightened out I ended up sick during my chemo session.  

Through all of this I got a huge complement from the nurse.  She told me that she had been telling all of the other staff how wonderful I was about the fiasco.  I found myself  encouraging the nurse.  

Things happen for a reason.  I was unclear why I had to be in chemo until 10pm, but it is all good in the end.  

Weekend of Work!

I have always heard that work is good for the soul.  I am so thrilled to have spent a weekend in the yard. 

My passion is doing yard work.  It is so rewarding to step back and see everything cut, edged and trimmed.  Then it starts all over the next weekend. 

Less than a month after surgery and I am out in the yard.  The neighbors had a fit and came over to do it for me.  You should see what all they did.  I still can't believe they all dropped everything and came over like they did.

Mixed Emotions

I am human!  I do get scared and worry, but not normally about myself.  I must admit that I am feeling a bit anxious about this next chemo.  I know that 3 days later, I will be "sick as a dog". 

I am willing to do this the rest of my life if it means that none of you have to do it.  SERIOUSLY!

On the positive side, I can't wait to see my doctors and nurses.  I can't wait to remind them again, that I am not a miracle...they are just witnessing one.  I am nothing special...God is.  I am not lucky...it is answered prayer. 

My healing is nothing but a full-on in-your-face Miracle! 

The People We Meet Along the Way!

We?  You may wonder who this other person or people are that are with me.  My precious Sister, Daughter or Mother accompany me to every single appointment.  I have not had to travel alone throughout any of this.

There is a service called the Houston Ground Angels.  They are a group of volunteers that pick up cancer patients at the airport and take them to their hotel.  They also take us back to the airport when we get ready to leave.

There is one precious Angle named Ruth Ann that has touched my heart.  She has picked us up more than once.  The last time we were in Houston was for my surgery she picked us up.  She then asked if we wanted to a tour.  We spent hours together.  We went to lunch & then to Trader Joes (you gotta go to one of these stores).  I also found out that she is a quite a character.  We had such a blast with her.  Come to find out that her daughter passed away almost a year ago with the exact same thing that I have been fighting.  I am not sure if I helped replace her daughter for the day.

I have also gotten to know another Angel named Claudia.  Since she felt comfortable with us after several trips, she decided to bring her Jack Russel Terrier on the last trip that she drove for us.  Tuffy was his name and he was a busy little thing.  Cancer has also touched her family.

Every Angel that has picked us up has had some kind of story about cancer in their life.  They have seen how horrible this disease can be and want to help in anyway that they can.  They sure are a blessing in my life.