I want to describe the emotional and physical feelings at this point. I do get an bit anxious the night before my chemo infusion. The appointment starts with a blood draw and then a visit with my oncologist and his team. This time we should know a little more about whether my body is willing to keep taking Chemo. That will be done by looking at the White Blood cell count and by looking at the plattelets. I am looking into procedure that can be done to my Spleen that can help. Actually, one of my best friends was the second patient in Duval county to get the procedure and it worked.
It is a little nerve wraking knowing that I am coming closer to the point where the doctor looks me in the eye and says, "there is nothing more we can do for you." There are many points in the last two years that I did not think I would be here on earth today. I also have continued to go through a phase that is abosolutely positive. People can say absolutely anything and I only see it as a oppotunity to educate them. I just don't think that anyone has offended me or has been inappropriate. I want people talking about it and learning about it.
When the pain pills wear off I find myself getting weepy. I do hit the "why me" point from time to time. It usually scares the cat and he tries to comfort me. This phase does not last long, but I think is necessary.
For a person that has always controlled and tried to do everything herself...I am sure getting a lesson in allowing grace into my life. I just don't see how in my childhood, I could have had this awareness. It really does take some stress, drama & hard ship to get this understanding with God.
The Holy Spirit gives me decernment every day, I am trying to hard to listen.
So the emotional state goes hand in hand with the physical state. They take turns driving this train.
No comments:
Post a Comment