Good Question!

My posts bring up some good questions.  So, everyone wants to know why I don't just get the fluid drained from my abdomen.  In fact, I did that twice during the first dance with cancer.  The first time they drained 1 liter and the second time they drained 2 liters.

Here is the problem; when they drain the fluid, it comes back almost immediately and with even more volume than before.  The relief is only temporary.  Another issue with removing the fluid is the removal of very needed protein.

Thus, leaving the fluid alone is best if one can stand the pressure.

I Almost Forgot To Tell You!

Another thing happened a few weeks ago.  One of the beautiful women that work with me has been talking about me to her precious 6 year old daughter.  Her name is Brooke.

Well! Little Miss Brooke showed up in my office with a teddy bear.  It was her Bravery Bear that had been given to her by the hospital for being brave during a recent procedure.  She proudly presented me with her Bravery Bear so that I could be brave through everything that I have to face.

I sat there with tears in my eyes.  We spoke honestly, but vaguely about what I had been through and what I might have to go through.  I then gave her a prize from the toy drawer in my office and she happily went along on her merry way.

When she left my office I cried so hard.  That little soul touched my life in such an amazing way.  I thank God for Brooke and the joy that she brought to me that day.  You must understand that Brooke brought me that bear on the 4-year anniversary of my husbands death.  She did not know that I was facing another Christmas alone and was planning projects to keep me busy and not let my idle mind get all weird about it.

I saw God's Grace in that little face that day.   Thank you, God!

What If The Hard Part Is Living?

Indeed!  It is not easy to make it through life these days.  We have so much social pressure, not to mention the pressure that we put on ourselves to be successful in so many areas of our lives. 

Many cancer survivors find it difficult to get back into the pressure of the real world.  We spend months being pampered by doctors and nurses.  Then when we get home everyone else takes care of us by cooking & cleaning.  So when we are blessed with remission we jump back into that life that we had before. 

That is exactly what I did.  When I read that book "Radical Remissions" I see that an area of my life that I have not changed.  Getting home every night at 8 or 9pm is just not good.  Two hours with Spud (the cat) and then to bed to get up early to do it all over again.  In fact, I did not get home last night until 8pm. 

Hmmm!  Food for thought. 

How Do I Answer These Questions?

I frequently get a questions about how long I think that I will last.  What are your chances?  People are looking for my true gut feeling about all of this.   I talk about this subject frequently on this blog because it comes up daily in my life.  Not that my feelings about this subject may evolve over time, but for now this is where I am. 

I just tell them that I have not thought about it.  I really have not allowed myself to go there.  If I do start to go there, my thoughts immediately go to my beautiful daughter.  She still needs me.

Although, death is not necessarily a negative thing.  I just choose to spend my mental capacity on this life.  I try to focus on the blessings and miracles around me.  Actually, praising God for these things kinda lifts me up by my boot straps. 

I have told you before that God has a plan.  I would rather it be here on this earth as a happy & healthy participant in society.  But...!  Lets not think about it.  

Oooooops!

So I kind of mis-spoke.  The trial I am currently in is more of a study than a trial.  To me that means that it may do more for cancer research than it does for my cancer.  I am excited that I have gotten some benefit out of it.  CT scans in a few weeks will tell us if the lymph nodes have decreased in size.  I sure hope so.  I need some good news, today. 

I have volunteered to be in two other studys at MD Anderson over the past year.  I have volunteered to be in another study coming up.  Usually, I have to fill out a lot of forms and give them my blood.  I don't ever here from the scientists again.  I am all about helping these amazing people help find a cure.  

I will be honest.  I am so impressed with these researchers.  They have their PhD or MD and their brilliant minds go to work on things that some of us just don't understand.  These amazing people at UF could clone me.  BRILLIANCE!  But God kinda already has done that (I have a twin sister).

When I talk to them, I really have to pay attention.  They are using words that I have never heard in my life.  Yesterday, UF researcher tried to explain to me how my cancer evolves.  So the cancer that is in me now is probably the same cancer that we treated the first time, but it likely has evolved into a stronger form and more resistant to different treatments. 

I guess I have SMART cancer.  Teeheehee!

p.s.  If the researchers read this they are going to laugh.  This is not how they would have described this.  But I have to put it into my own little examples just to understand what is going on.

Radical Remissions!!

Radical Remissions is the name of the book that I am reading.  A doctor decided to document and collect data from people that have found healing for their cancers by utilizing alternative medicine, either alone or in combination with traditional medicine.  These are people that were given no hope and sent home to die.  He has compiled a list of 9 things that all of these radical remission patients have in common.

 So what were the 9 key factors that these patients with radical remissions employed?

1. Radically changing your diet.
2. Taking control of your health.
3. Following your intuition.
4. Using herbs and supplements.
5. Releasing suppressed emotions.
6. Increasing positive emotions.
7. Embracing social support.
8. Deepening your spiritual connection.
9. Having strong reasons for living.

Dr. Turner goes into much more detail about these in the book. In fact, each factor has its own chapter, as well as stories of how patients used these factors to participate in their healing journey.

I have some work to do...

How Are You Feeling today, Cheryl?

Although, I am at work...I am in a decent amount of pain.  I had some pain the first round of cancer.  This time it is different.  Because I have peritoneal cancer my diaphragm is in constant pain.  Deep breaths hurt the most.  Part of this kind of cancer is the sharp stabbing pains.  These pains show up anywhere at any time.

I am close to needing pain meds, but I am putting that off as long as I can.

The ascites is back.  This is the cancer fluid that fills the sack around all of my organs, fills my lungs and my abdomen.  This is probably the least comfortable part of it all.  My stomach is starting to look like I am pregnant again.

I have not found any lumps protruding outwardly from the cancer in the lymph nodes.

Yep!  You guessed it!  The current trial I am in has stopped working.

I remain extremely positive and continue to have fun.