Life is much slower these days. I don't have the energy to do much. It is a good thing I like being alone at home. Just me and my kitty cat. I still spend a lot of time on the back porch watching the alligators & birds in and around the pond. This gives me hours of good prayer time.
The morhine has given me a much better quality of life. I can get out in the flowerbed and play around. I love my flowers and anything else I can grow by my front door. Right now, I am growing datil peppers. This is a staple for the Minorcan kitchen. Although, heartburn is a bigger part of my life, now...I still can sneak in some datil pepper. I think it is the chemo that gives me heartburn.
I have regrets and have made many mistakes. Because, if I think it...I say it, and I have hurt feelings unnecesarily. I have come across as crazy when I am really just very silly. Sometimes it is caculated insanity to see how people accept me. I have worried about how I look and bought clothes that did not make a bit of difference. At the same time, I have not said "NO" enough. I have followed bosses orders when I should have spoken up. I am very naive and want to believe in people that aren't worth believing in.
I still have even more joys in my life than regrets. Nothing on this earth tops seeing an amazing adult in your child. God has allowed me to be a part of a life that brings me joy every day. If you have met my daughter you will see a lot of me in her. She has taken my joy to a greater level. She is so much more loving, generous and inculsive than I am. She loves, loves, loves to laugh. She has the guts to speak her mind and can stand up for what it right. She is a sponge and is eager to learn and meet new people.
Alone time will do this to you. My mind is all over the place. So, that means you will get my mixed up thoughts on this blog. I never said I was a writer.
God Bless you!
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